We were camping last week when my husband, Rob, asked me a question that landed like a rock in my chest.
We were talking about his body — how it’s changed over the years, how he’s been feeling in it, and some of the physical goals we’ve been dreaming about together. He lost over 100 pounds before we met, and like so many people, he’s slowly gained much of it back. He’s frustrated. He knows the science, he’s done the work, and yet still, it stings.
At one point, he looked at me and said, quietly:
“Why can’t I be the 5%?”
He was referring to a stat we’ve all heard: 95% of diets fail. And by implication, 5% don’t.
That 5% becomes a beacon for so many people — a reason to keep trying, keep restricting, keep hoping that this time it will finally work. But what we rarely do is examine what’s actually happening in that 5%. Who are those people? And what does it really take to get — and stay — there?
This blog post is for anyone who’s ever asked that same question. Because the answer might surprise you.
Where the 95% Statistic Comes From
We’ve been studying weight loss outcomes since the 1950s, and the research has remained remarkably consistent: the vast majority of people who lose weight regain it within one to five years. Many end up heavier than when they started. Depending on the study, estimates of “failure” range from92% to 98% — which makes 95% a solid average.
This isn’t because people are lazy or undisciplined. It’s because the human body is designed to resist weight loss. When we restrict calories and lose fat, the body responds by slowing metabolism, increasing hunger hormones, decreasing satiety hormones, and amplifying cravings — especially for energy-dense foods. In other words, it treats weight loss like a threat and fights to reverse it.
Your body is not sabotaging you. It’s protecting you.
So… What About the 5%?
If most people regain weight, what’s happening in the 5% of people who don’t?
We do have data, primarily from the National Weight Control Registry, which tracks individuals who have lost at least 30 pounds and kept it off for at least a year. But when you look closely at how they do it, the picture gets blurry — and frankly, unsettling.
These individuals tend to engage in:
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Daily food and calorie tracking
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Frequent weigh-ins
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Rigid exercise routines
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Ongoing avoidance of high-calorie or “trigger” foods
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Constant vigilance around portion sizes
In short: it’s a lot of work. A full-time job level of effort. And while some people can maintain that for a while, it’s not sustainable or desirable for most. If these behaviors showed up in someone in a smaller body, we might call it disordered eating. But in someone who has a history of being in a larger body, we call it discipline.
We need to ask: is that really success, or just socially sanctioned obsession?
The Role of Genetics (and Privilege)
Another major factor that often gets ignored? Genetics.
Body weight is highly heritable. Studies of twins and families suggest that 70–80% of weight variation is due to genetics. Some people are biologically predisposed to live in smaller bodies, to lose weight more easily, and to maintain it without extreme effort.
Others may have a metabolism that doesn’t slow down as dramatically with weight loss, or a stress system that doesn’t push them into food-seeking behavior under pressure.
In other words, not everyone is playing the same game. And no amount of discipline will override your biology forever.
Circumstance, Medication, and the Myth of Control
Some people who maintain weight loss long-term do so because of life circumstances:
They may have a job that depends on appearance. They may have access to personal chefs and trainers. They may have a medical condition that requires strict eating.
Or they may be using medications — specifically, the new class of GLP-1 receptor agonists like Ozempic, Wegovy, Mounjaro, and Zepbound.
These medications can reduce appetite, quiet food noise, and help people lose weight in ways that previous diets haven’t. For some, it feels like a miracle. But even then, the results often follow a familiar pattern: once the medication is stopped, weight returns. Side effects are common. Disordered eating may emerge or worsen. And biology still pushes back.
GLP-1s may change the mechanism, but they don’t solve the deeper problem. They don’t heal your relationship with food. They don’t teach body trust. And they certainly don’t offer freedom.
Is It Worth It?
The question I always come back to is this:
What is the cost of staying in the 5%?
When people are afraid to go out to eat, when they’re constantly calculating food, when they need to weigh themselves daily to feel okay, when their world shrinks so their body can stay small — that isn’t peace. That’s a life in service to thinness. And it’s a high price to pay.
We don’t talk enough about the mental, emotional, social, and spiritual cost of trying to control your body indefinitely.
And so I want to ask a different question:
What if we defined success differently?
A New Way to Define Success
What if success looked like…
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Eating without guilt
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Feeling safe in your body
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Moving because it feels good, not because you “should”
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Letting go of the scale
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Resting without needing to earn it
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Trusting your body to guide you with wisdom, not fear
What if success wasn’t about fitting into the 5%, but about stepping off the treadmill altogether?
What if it was about reclaiming your energy, your time, and your life from the grip of diet culture?
You Are Not the Problem
If you’ve spent years — or decades — trying to be the exception, please know:
You are not broken.
You are not a failure.
You are simply living in a system that demands the impossible and then blames you for not delivering.
There is another way.
And while it may not come with praise or compliments or numbers on a scale, it offers something far more valuable: peace, trust, and the space to live your life fully.
Want support on this journey?
I work with women who are ready to stop obsessing over food and body, and start reconnecting with themselves again. Learn more about coaching or get started with my Nourish Yourself: Body+Mind course.
Or subscribe to my Thrive Beyond Size podcast for weekly conversations like this one.
